Wednesday, March 22, 2017

Some days....

So my first post back about 'mental weight loss' in a VERY long time and guess what??  I have to share with you what's currently going on that I haven't worked my way out of yet...because this is real life and what's actually going on at the moment. (it's not that bad...let's not be so dramatic here😉)

So I haven't really been able to get myself to the place I KNOW where I feel best:  where I'm eating well & working out consistently.  I'll kinda do one or both for a few days and then a few days slip into blah.  And in the spirit of being kind to myself, I quickly forgave myself for any slips and moved on.  THIS has been GREAT from a mental standpoint.  Just being able to move on and NOT beat yourself up is heads & tails from where I was over a year ago.

That's the good news.

The 'bad' news (again, not THAT bad) is that after a few days of one (two, three...) too many sweet or salty treats in a day, I woke up on Saturday morning PHYSICALLY feeling bad.  Just knowing I needed to try a LOT harder to get myself back into a healthy place.  Knowing I did NOT want to sneak any more excessive (EXCESSIVE) bites of rice krispie treats covered with rainbow star sprinkles for the kids.  It's one thing to have a treat and enjoy's ANOTHER thing to just keep having treat after treat (after treat after treat...) and not enjoy it at ALL, but rather just compulsed to eat.  Without even a good reason why.  It's honestly the part of 'unhealthy' eating that I DESPISE the most.

ADD to this, after teaching my yoga class on Saturday mornin (remember I already FELT bad at this point), I got to try out a class they were going to be offering at our gym soon.  I'm pretty game for anything, so I thought I'd give it a try.  "I teach yoga and feel like I'm pretty active, so..."

And guess what?

I could NOT HANG. COULD. NOT.  I can hold a boat in yoga for quite a few breaths...but holding boat for MINUTES while throwin in twists, sit-ups, etc.  Yeah.  Not so much.  And that was just one of the exercises that felt defeating.  Couple that with the instructor being ROCK SOLID muscle and me feeling like a hot mess that day.  Yeah.  Not great for the self-esteem.  We've all had those moments.

So, here I am a few days out and am still not feeling completely at peace with how out of sorts I felt in that class.  I have been double (tripling) down on vegetables this week, but I'd be lying if I said it hasn't taken EFFORT.  Not ease.  Like I actually have to THINK about adding in salads, verses my usual just remembing to have them.  Having to be sure to place all of the extra healthy stuff in the front of my fridge before I got distracted by anything my eyes could catch on.  Making sure to have healthy breakfasts/lunches/snacks on hand so I didn't immediatly default to...say chips & cheese and call it lunch👀  These things are usually pretty normal but, like I said, are taking effort at the moment and sometimes it's just worth acknowledging you NEED more effort.  And that's OK.
I immediately left that class, trudged to Trader Joe's and picked up ALLTHEJUICE they have to offer in an attempt to flood my body with nutrients ASAP, but I can't say they were necessarily enjoyable...but sometimes ya gotta do what ya gotta do.

So why am I writing all of this when I don't have any answers or 'way out' at the moment?  Basically to share with you one thing that I've come to acept in my weight loss AND spiritual journey:  That some days it's just all an ebb & flow.  I have fooled myself on approx. 293840238 occasions thinking I've finally "GOT IT,"  got all the answers, got it all figured out and "NEVER GOING BACK AGAIN."  (this in terms of healthy eating AND having that elusive perfectly clear mind)  Only to fall, some times out of nowhere, and it feeling even WORSE since I thought I'd never find myself there again.  What I've learned in the last year is that every thing is cyclical.  Some days ya eat great, work out, feel great, meditate like a rockstar and just feel like a shining beam of light.  Other days?  Not so much.  And worse, other days you do ALL of those things and STILL not feel that great.  The key I've learned is, even when ya hit that bottom, ya just gotta breath and ride it out.  Just like everything that goes up, must come down...well, everything down will rise to the top again.  The trick is in how you handle it, trying your best not to descend into those depths (or at least not for too long).

Easier said than done.  

Believe me.  I KNOW.

Right now I'm just trying to take all my 'good yoga knowledge' and just breath while things are difficult and accept that they'll turn around the quicker I try to embrace them and make a change.  Today I worked on a lonnnnnng mediation about balancing (this one specifically) and felt all of that healing energy.  So now every time I feel my brain getting a little fuzzy, I try to breath and reengage in that energy.  And just like I teach my classes:  the more healing/happy energy you cultivate...the more you have it at your disposal for when you need it.  Hopefully this helps lead the way out MUCH quicker.  Breathing can never, ever, ever lead you wrong.

Hippie yoga advice wrapping up now😉

Just another reminder that I am walkin the walk right along with you😊  Let me know if you guys relate.  Or you think I'm crazy.  Either is probably definitely applicable😉

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