So for those of you who don't know, Mercury finally planted itself back into position on the 22nd (Hallelujah) and since Friday, I feel like my brain has been finally coming out of that 3-week fog. Things finally seem a little bit calmer & clearer and the 'space' that I've created in my head during meditation the last few months is finally starting to return. For those who don't understand: When I say 'space,' I mean it's that moment you give yourself before doing anything too impulsive and/or taking that breath before reacting. I find that meditation gives you more of that mental 'hang-time' between action & reaction (does that make sense?) And in the food world here (since, hello, blog!), it's that break you give yourself from that moment of "FREAKINOUTI'MSTARVING and I need COOKIES!!!!!!" to being able to STOP and make a rational choice. I'd be lying if I said I still wasn't feeling more snacky than I have the past few months and that my brain has NOT calmed to the point where I'm not thinking about snacks & treats (especially in the afternoon & at nights). BUT 'that space' gives me that moment to reassess and realize what I REALLY want. So even though the snack cravings haven't diminished 100%, that calm brain makes choosing the healthier options throughout the day MUCH easier.
And ya know what? If I still need a bite of chocolate in the afternoons, I'm gonna have a bite of chocolate in the afternoons. As long as the REST of my daily diet is about making healthier choices, that chocolate choice is A-OK in my bookJ
Another 'post-retrograde' moment I also noticed: Teaching yoga has been MUCH easier the last few days....or at least LESS nerve wrackingJ To be honest, nearly all of the classes I taught in the last couple weeks were extremely nerve wracking, feeling like the clock was at a standstill and the hour felt like YEARS, and feeling no confidence whatsoever. And in having no confidence, it makes it INFINIETLY more difficult to just be yourself. But every class I've taught since Saturday? I felt like I got up there and OWNED it. Even last night I taught a class in a style of yoga that I'm not really too familiar with and, even though I didn't feel like I did the BEST job, I was OK with it. VERY different from the last few weeks of feeling like I was back in that old cycle of 'beating myself up' and thinking I did a bad job at every turn.
How could it change so rapidly without there being some external reason?? Or am I just GRASPING for a reason and making this retrograde one fit?? I admit, I'm a person who likes REASONS because they helps things make sense for me. And maybe this one is a stretch, but right now I feel OK with itJ. It was funny because I can even distinctively remember other times where I was struggling and making unhealthier choices and (after a quick Google search) 97% of those times lined up with past retrograde cycles. WILD! It might just be a moment for me to acknowledge that those few weeks a year might be a little tougher than usual but that they WILL pass and I WILL get back on track. I even physically had to shake myself one day last week to remind myself that that feeling would pass.
Maybe some of you out there feel the same, and maybe you feel the same for the zillions of other reasons that life can knock us down and make us feel like we're swimming upstream. And maybe I'm supposed to write this post to let you know that those difficult times: THEY DO PASS. Just keep movin forward. Moving forward is the only way to right any past wrongs...so let's all keep movin forward together.
Woah...things just got too real & dramatic around here, huh???